It's been a long time since I've added writing here, this was sort of just something I had written on a post-it note for a few months and didn't really know where to put it until I realized I could add it here.
I hate it when people post things and never explain anything when there is clearly a story to it, so I'll give you mine.
I wrote this for an ex-girlfriend a few months ago while I was at work, actually. It just sort of came to me and I wrote it on a post-it note (as previously stated)
I haven't heard of or heard from my ex girlfriend in years and sometimes, when I think about it too much, I hurt over it, because truth of the matter is, I still care about her in some way.
I really messed up when her and I were together, I pushed her away for the WORST reason possible, an asshole of a guy who abused me, took advantage of me and neglected me in all ways that mattered. I wish I had a better reason for pushing her away other than I was just scared and I honestly didn't feel like I deserved the happiness she gave me, but that is all it comes down too in the honesty of it all.
I'm happy with where my life ended up, I left that asshole and found some other guy who treats me very well, I've gotten out of a lot of holes I put myself into and I've overcome some great challenges and we live a happy life. However, I won't deny the fact that I still think about my ex-girlfriend often and miss her...I do constantly wonder where she is, if she's happy, if she's alright and what might have been if I would have chosen to drop everything I had in my life at the time to be with her...how we would have worked out, where we'd be now...etc. And honestly, there are days where I cry about it, cry myself to sleep over it, and sometimes dive into bad habits for missing something that could have been so wonderful and for ruining any chance it might have had, but most of all, I hurt over it the most from not knowing anything about her anymore, not even knowing if she exists.
She was more to me than just a girlfriend in high school...She touched a part of my soul that NO ONE else has ever been able too. She awoken something inside me that no one else could. She was special to me and I destroyed it all for nothing. I regret that. Everyday. And probably always will.